The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
