i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
