In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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