she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
