I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news, I just burned my penis
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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