my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
