Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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