Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I looked at my own cervix.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
