ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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