Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
