my room smells like sperm. sweet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
