she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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