There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
