I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
