I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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