On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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