There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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