I can text with my tongue
Just cropdusted the office
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
