We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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