the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
