my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
