my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
