someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
