If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
