you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
