As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
