This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
