Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
