when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
