i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
