I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
