So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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