My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
