I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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