This girl is more easily done than said...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
