How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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