I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
