That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
