Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
