I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
