Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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