I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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