Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
