Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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