dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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