ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
