She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
