i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
