It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
These tits shall not be calmed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
