I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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