GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
