If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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