Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
