You smell like stripper and shame
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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