im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
