i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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