my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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