I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
