yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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