Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
