Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
