I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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