If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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