the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
