I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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