How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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